another fucking robbery

What is it with me and robberies? I stopped for gas on the way home tonight and some prick with a gun came in and robbed the place. Luckily everything is fine and all he did was take the money from the register and run, but damn.

About 10 years ago I was robbed at a restaurant where I worked and that was a far more involved ordeal. That incident included having a gun held to my head and then being locked in a cooler. I have to say that was the greatest feeling of relief when that cooler door shut with me and my co worker safely inside. She started crying and freaking out at that point and I told her I felt pretty damn great knowing that we were safe, not raped or beaten and most importantly alive!

For months after that experience I had problems sleeping. I would go to sleep fine and wake up screaming from the most horrible nightmares. I couldn't watch any scary or violent movies and I found myself re-reading books that I loved as a child. They were comforting and safe.

The worst part of going through an experience like that is that it takes your trust in your fellow man away. You start to look at everyone around you in a different light and it really makes you feel small and lonely.

Anyway, as time passed the memories and scared feelings faded and I became my trusting self again...and it felt good, normal. Then just when you least expect it, you are confronted with another gun. In that split second I was back at the last robbery, I had that same sick surreal feeling. There was someone in that room with a weapon and I had to wonder if this was it...is he going to go nuts and shoot everyone in the store or just go quickly into the night, luckily it was the latter.

Like I said before, this was nothing like the first time I was robbed but it opened up a bunch of feelings that I had successfully buried. Now I begin the long process of trying to trust again...and to think, all this happened because I had to go in for a fucking diet coke...damn!